I have never seen anyone articulate that whole process so accurately. That was like she reached into my brain and described me. Wild.
buzzfeed_sucks on
I’m *very* similar. It’s been a work in progress during therapy for years.
And it’s true, it’s unfair to both you, and the people around you.
I’m constantly frustrated myself because I feel like I make such an effort for others, but don’t get that back. But that’s my fault! I never say what I want or advocate for myself. And people aren’t mind readers.
It’s just a very hard habit to break.
onlyeveryotherday on
This is a great network. I think it’s super important to have open therapy so other people can relate and it will help them. Personally I would want this to be kept confidential but I’m glad that there’s a network out there for people to have such an open network like this.
CurrentExcellent1225 on
I’ve been the same way my whole life
And I always had such a bad physical reaction to times I couldn’t please everyone or I’d feel “rejected” because I disagreed with someone and vocalized it and got terrified of their reaction. It made my heart drop and hurt, literally.
I’ve been working hard on changing it which makes me feel like I’m too opinionated now, too demanding, etc etc. But hopefully it’ll get better.
derppherppp on
I’m like this by default too so much so I get nauseous from anxiety. I feel so guilty in the moment but end up so mad at myself if I just accept the situation. It was very hard engrained in me growing up to be polite and I HATE IT. I’ve been trying to work on it lately and I swear all I’ve done is flip to the other extreme where I feel like I’m too mean when I try to assert myself. I can’t win!
Large-Mix-4638 on
Wow this actually spoke so much to me. Is there any way we can view/watch the whole discussion? I couldn’t find it on his podcast!
Itstimeforcookies19 on
Kristen Bell is not my favorite, usually for over sharing, but I appreciate it here. It always feels nice to have something you struggle with be addressed publicly to help you realize others struggle too.
My people pleasing was identified in couples therapy. I guess on some level I knew that I was a people pleaser but having it identified felt so negative to me. Even though it largely made me a victim in my marriage it made me feel like I was The Who had done something wrong. Felt shameful I guess. It’s been a real journey not people please. I still do of course. Not like I’m cured or anything. But I’m better. Being in perimenopause makes it somewhat easier because you lose so much tolerance for people’s everyday bs that pleasing in the last thing you are capable of. The one good peri symptom I guess 😂
The worst is realizing that my 12 year old daughter has people pleasing tendencies. I for sure learned it from my own mom so no wonder my daughter learned it from me. I’ve been trying so hard to undo any damage I’ve caused her in this regard. Teaching her to be empathetic to people but also that it’s ok for her to have her needs and serve those needs. I hate I passed this on to her.
Correct_Village6950 on
anyone who says “you’re an empath” is a scammer/delusional
SnooRobots8901 on
That’s why she married the most displeasing man in the world
9 Comments
I have never seen anyone articulate that whole process so accurately. That was like she reached into my brain and described me. Wild.
I’m *very* similar. It’s been a work in progress during therapy for years.
And it’s true, it’s unfair to both you, and the people around you.
I’m constantly frustrated myself because I feel like I make such an effort for others, but don’t get that back. But that’s my fault! I never say what I want or advocate for myself. And people aren’t mind readers.
It’s just a very hard habit to break.
This is a great network. I think it’s super important to have open therapy so other people can relate and it will help them. Personally I would want this to be kept confidential but I’m glad that there’s a network out there for people to have such an open network like this.
I’ve been the same way my whole life
And I always had such a bad physical reaction to times I couldn’t please everyone or I’d feel “rejected” because I disagreed with someone and vocalized it and got terrified of their reaction. It made my heart drop and hurt, literally.
I’ve been working hard on changing it which makes me feel like I’m too opinionated now, too demanding, etc etc. But hopefully it’ll get better.
I’m like this by default too so much so I get nauseous from anxiety. I feel so guilty in the moment but end up so mad at myself if I just accept the situation. It was very hard engrained in me growing up to be polite and I HATE IT. I’ve been trying to work on it lately and I swear all I’ve done is flip to the other extreme where I feel like I’m too mean when I try to assert myself. I can’t win!
Wow this actually spoke so much to me. Is there any way we can view/watch the whole discussion? I couldn’t find it on his podcast!
Kristen Bell is not my favorite, usually for over sharing, but I appreciate it here. It always feels nice to have something you struggle with be addressed publicly to help you realize others struggle too.
My people pleasing was identified in couples therapy. I guess on some level I knew that I was a people pleaser but having it identified felt so negative to me. Even though it largely made me a victim in my marriage it made me feel like I was The Who had done something wrong. Felt shameful I guess. It’s been a real journey not people please. I still do of course. Not like I’m cured or anything. But I’m better. Being in perimenopause makes it somewhat easier because you lose so much tolerance for people’s everyday bs that pleasing in the last thing you are capable of. The one good peri symptom I guess 😂
The worst is realizing that my 12 year old daughter has people pleasing tendencies. I for sure learned it from my own mom so no wonder my daughter learned it from me. I’ve been trying so hard to undo any damage I’ve caused her in this regard. Teaching her to be empathetic to people but also that it’s ok for her to have her needs and serve those needs. I hate I passed this on to her.
anyone who says “you’re an empath” is a scammer/delusional
That’s why she married the most displeasing man in the world