Andrew McCarthy's dilemma began three years ago, when the actor and director’s then 21-year-old son, Sam, was sitting cross-legged on the kitchen floor strumming his electric guitar, telling a story about a friend’s romantic follies. McCarthy was at the kitchen table, laughing. Then Sam stopped strumming and looked up.
“You don’t really have any friends, do you, Dad?”
“I have friends, Sam,” McCarthy told his son. “I just don’t see them, but I know they’re there. That’s enough.” He’s recounting the scene now, calling from Dublin where he’s directing a stage production of The Crucible. “Sam considered me—probably knew I was full of shit—then graciously accepted my answer with a brief nod.” Sam went off to see his girlfriend. McCarthy sat there, spinning.
It’s a strange problem for a man like McCarthy to have. He emerged as a defining face of 1980s Hollywood, with star turns in Pretty in Pink, Less than Zero, and St. Elmo’s Fire that cemented his status in the Brat Pack. He went on to become an award-winning travel writer and made the transition to director, with credits like Orange Is the New Black. A man with that résumé, you’d figure, had people.
So he decided to go on a road trip with his friends, and during they journey, they would say, ‘I have never talked about this before.’ I could tell.” Some of it was the stranger-on-a-plane dynamic, he figures. But mostly he thinks men are starving for exactly this conversation and almost never get the chance to have it.
Read now: https://www.playboy.com/read/entertainment-culture/he-had-no-friends-so-he-went-on-a-road-trip
by playboy
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People will clown on it, but it is a sad reality for most men and even younger teens. Not enough in person hangs, or just general conversations about how they’re doing. Most men’s problems get overlooked by society and it’s one of the main reasons middle-aged men are the most suicidal.
Personally, I try to hang with my buddies at least once a month and always tell them to call me if they need anything or just wanna chat. Sadly, most don’t take me up on that offer.
This is a reality for a lot of women too, myself included.
>“You don’t really have any friends, do you, Dad?”
>“I have friends, Sam,” McCarthy told his son. “I just don’t see them, but I know they’re there.
This sounds like something one of his 80s characters would say lol.
Anyway, good article and it’s nice to see McCarthy is still around and seems to have his head on straight for the most part.
Most of my best male friends were from high school, and unfortunately it was me who stopped keeping in touch with them. I now regret that, and unfortunately they’re not on social media either so I can’t find them anymore.
As an adult, I have male acquaintances and peers I may talk to on occasion, but we don’t hang out outside of our usual meeting spaces (work, shared classes, etc)
One of my bandmates is long-distance pals with McCarthy. Says he’s a good dude.
TIL Playboy is still around. I thought it died with Hefner.
In all seriousness, this is a really good article. I wonder if the male loneliness crisis is new, or if we’ve just started paying attention to it. I often think about my grandparents, all four of whom were between 1910 and 1915. Both my grandmothers had plenty of close female friends. But my grandfathers, despite being liked and respected, really weren’t close to anyone outside their families.
I’m 10 years younger than Andrew and I am in the same boat.
Had lots of friends when I was younger but moved country when I was 26, I never really tried to make new friends in this country, met my wife here and that was always enough, I never tried to keep in touch with my old friends, seems everyone moved on at around the same time, unfortunately these days the only time I hear my friends names being mentioned by family back where I used to live is to tell me one of them passed away.
I don’t regret making new friends here but I do wish I had kept in touch with my old best mates, they are all but gone now…. You always think there will be enough time to see them again, I mean at 53 you don’t expect so many old friends to already be gone…..
Wealth and Fame are isolating. Hard to stay grounded and hard to know who is using you. Sometimes those things are hard to discover in real life as well.
I know this is basically ad advertisement, but it worked – just bought the book.
This is such an important issue and Im glad someone is finally talking about it.
As a neural divergent person, one common thing in the loneliness pattern is just where people put their priorities in the western world. A lot of people will disappear from their friends once they find a serious relationship. This is then compounded once they get married and have kids.
Then you have people like myself who try to maintain friendships and realize you are doing 90% of the work just to keep the friendship alive and you question yourself if you have a genuine frinedship or if they other person is taking pity on you.