Elsie Hewitt: ‘My Decision Not to Breastfeed’ | “If choosing not to breastfeed can allow a mother to receive support through a season where the physical and emotional burden already falls disproportionately onto her, she has every right to make that choice without second-guessing it.”
Normalize moms choosing what keeps them sane fed baby, supported mom, that’s the win.
premonitioning on
I am not a mother, nor will I ever likely be one.
But a fed baby is the end goal. Pregnancy is enough of a task, nevermind the bullshit surrounding it regarding the horrifically negative language of all the conditions, of people intruding into the pregnant person’s sexual and medical choices, of all the unsolicited opinions offered by everyone and their literal mother. The stigma around both breastfeeding and bottle feeding is absolutely ridiculous, mothers can’t win no matter what they choose.
ExistingSpare8296 on
sorry, i know this isn’t the headline but she got her wisdom teeth out the day after she gave birth? girl!!!!!! mad respect (and some fear for you!!!)
dietgatorades on
Good for her! Breastfeeding is hard work. I haven’t done it myself but I’m a career nanny and I have seen what moms go through. All the moms I have worked for have all the time, help, and resources in the world and most of them still have struggled to make it to one full year of breastfeeding. Formula is easy and safe for mom and baby there is nothing wrong with using it.
Even the studies done that show the advantages of breastfeeding are usually biased because the moms who are able to breastfeed are usually healthier, wealthier, and in a better position to begin with than someone who has no choice but to use formula because she has to get back to work the next week.
No woman should be judging herself for using formula.
tragically-elbow on
Unfortunately I can’t stop feeling like this is chatGPT writing and I am sorry if she is one of the em dash users who now gets accused of using AI but the general construction of it all feels verbose. Agree with the sentiment tho
SitchChick on
I chose not to breastfeed just because I didn’t want to
She expressed this very well. The loss of bodily freedom/control was 100% the hardest aspect of pregnancy, nursing, and the newborn phase in general for me. I can imagine learning you’re pregnant immediately after a major surgery to relieve your endo would feel like a horrible joke. Amazing for her to realize how nursing would add to that feeling, and choosing to do something else.
ninanina27 on
At the end of the day as long as baby is fed!
Nice-Cow-7606 on
Who cares how she feeds the baby as long as she actually *feeds* the baby and it’s safe and healthy?
fedsarefriends on
I wish more people talked about how draining breastfeeding is instead always glorifying it. It’s always the whole “natural thing to do” but never “it’s exhausting, your body no longer feels like your own and formula still feeds the baby like it’s supposed to so please choose that cause it can seriously suck”.
Signed an exclusive breastfeeding mom who’s tired AF
BubbleCrum on
One of my long ago friends asked me “Dont you even love her?” when I mentioned I wasnt breastfeeding. Changed my entire view of that person in an instant.
rearviewreality1 on
Normalize doing what’s best for your family. No one should feel this guilty for it.
donutstart on
FED IS BEST !
Efleurdelune on
My friend has trauma and made the decision before she gave birth to not breastfeed because of it. She told the staff but several nurses came up and tried to force the baby to latch. To this day, I wish I could talk to those nurses like what the fuck is wrong with you?!
Ok_Blueberry_387 on
One of the hardest parts of being an experienced parent is that your child’s life is not in your hands, nor was it ever.
There are too many factors (biological, social, emotional, etc.) that all combine into a crazy mix of variables for each kid you raise.
The hard sell of “THIS ONE THING” (aka, factored in exponentially by every single milestone your child will face) to parents is a sham.
But we are all taught by society (and capitalism) we can control our child’s future by micromanaging them.
The debate of BF vs formula is just another one of those factors.
Comfortable-Bear1998 on
yes i agree but also this is really intense academic kind of writing that feels AI
ffffffudgeyou on
As a woman who isn’t sure she’ll be a mother, reading this is still so powerful. We don’t talk about this enough and we don’t seem to understand just how much pregnancy and post-partum can take out of a mother. It’s so great to be having this conversation.
TiaraMisu on
OH FUCK YES
canadia80 on
This is long I don’t care that much about how anyone else feeds their kid. Good for them, whatever it says in this long ass article.
StoreHistorical9175 on
beautifully and thoughtfully well written, and she’s absolutely right
RefrigeratorOk9413 on
The pressure to BF didn’t so much come from my family and friends (they were all actually really supportive when I had to combi-feed because I wasn’t making enough milk the first time around) but I remember being so conscious because of the pressure on social media and the way formula feeding was framed as a moral failing. I’d always wanted to BF and hated that it was so difficult to even make milk but 5 years on I think back to how irrelevant all of that worry was. Literally none of it matters right now.
EvenPossible5918 on
Good for her. She’s listening to herself and making choices that are best for her and her baby. ❤️
soupseasonbestseason on
as a mom who pumped for almost two years, good for you elsie.
i wish i had realized how i was failing myself while pumping. it destroyed my mental health even further. and no one needed it but me.
Reluctantziti on
Oh the tradwives are gonna hate this
LittleRebelbunny on
Yup I’ve just decided to stop Breastfeeding my son and I feel so much better for it. It was draining, especially when I was pp. I struggled for a little while as well and at the time I felt terrible for not being able to feed him properly.
Fed is most definitely best.
paper_crane14 on
I am a huge breastfeeding advocate. But it isn’t without its struggles. And just because I choose to breastfeed doesn’t mean I will ever shame another mother for not choosing the same.
Mountaingal84 on
Good for her- the amount of pressure moms put on themselves is crippling.
roastbeefbee on
I had a retained placenta with my first born. I struggled for three weeks trying to breastfeed my first born. I cried and screamed that he wasn’t getting milk and wasn’t happy (because he wasn’t.) I ultimately formula fed as a result of an ER visit to get the rest of my placenta out after passing softball sized masses of tissue.
Tried again with my 3rd child and it was great, but I quickly was feeling stuck and like a pull chain was on my back to get my back into the armchair to feed my kid. After 10 months, I stopped and felt free again. I can’t explain it, I love my babies, but the feeling of breastfeeding was not why I expected after hearing about how amazing it was. Will never judge anyone for their decision.
Edit: shout out to my husband who was a saint during all my pregnancies and realized I needed help mentally and was never judgmental and supported me 1000% percent. Our children now only want Freddie’s and chicken wings and gag at the sight of green veggies.
745Walt on
Motherhood is so weird now…. When my mother had me and my brother, she didn’t breastfeed either of us because she just didn’t want to. There weren’t any long drawn out arguments for or against either way, or entire communities based around how you feed your baby. Now people seem to feel the need to almost “come out” as a breast feeder or formula feeder.
ActionHartlen on
Breastfeeding is a public health policy not a moral imperative. It confers measurable benefits across millions of births and so health professionals are rightly trained to recommend it. What they aren’t as good at is separating that public health policy from how individual mothers are spoken to.
Beginning_Arugula424 on
Not sure when the not breast-feeding makes you a terrible Mother era began, but I have three grown beautiful children. I have a son that’s 6 foot six and another fun son that 6 foot three and a daughter that’s 5 foot nine. All very healthy happy well adjusted formula fed children. I absolutely cannot stand this breast-feeding cult culture, these women make multiple social media posts about breast-feeding and how if you do anything other than that you’re disappointing your duty as a mother, but then feed their family raw milk.. please make it make sense to me.
probablyreading1 on
I didn’t breastfeed any of my kids and I never once regretted. In fact, every time I hear about a woman breastfeeding, it sounds miserable and I wonder why anyone does it. Let women do what works for them. As long as the baby is fed and taken care of, it is no one’s business.
123LetsGoBay on
Breastfeeding made my sister near suicidal. I’d say the benefits of having a parent not off themselves are greater than any benefit breastfeeding can provide.
34 Comments
Normalize moms choosing what keeps them sane fed baby, supported mom, that’s the win.
I am not a mother, nor will I ever likely be one.
But a fed baby is the end goal. Pregnancy is enough of a task, nevermind the bullshit surrounding it regarding the horrifically negative language of all the conditions, of people intruding into the pregnant person’s sexual and medical choices, of all the unsolicited opinions offered by everyone and their literal mother. The stigma around both breastfeeding and bottle feeding is absolutely ridiculous, mothers can’t win no matter what they choose.
sorry, i know this isn’t the headline but she got her wisdom teeth out the day after she gave birth? girl!!!!!! mad respect (and some fear for you!!!)
Good for her! Breastfeeding is hard work. I haven’t done it myself but I’m a career nanny and I have seen what moms go through. All the moms I have worked for have all the time, help, and resources in the world and most of them still have struggled to make it to one full year of breastfeeding. Formula is easy and safe for mom and baby there is nothing wrong with using it.
Even the studies done that show the advantages of breastfeeding are usually biased because the moms who are able to breastfeed are usually healthier, wealthier, and in a better position to begin with than someone who has no choice but to use formula because she has to get back to work the next week.
No woman should be judging herself for using formula.
Unfortunately I can’t stop feeling like this is chatGPT writing and I am sorry if she is one of the em dash users who now gets accused of using AI but the general construction of it all feels verbose. Agree with the sentiment tho
I chose not to breastfeed just because I didn’t want to
I gave no fucks what anyone thought or had to say
https://preview.redd.it/9bzavqm5zplg1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b0ba2ad547f01283d3c4aea0a646927c239b8a98
She expressed this very well. The loss of bodily freedom/control was 100% the hardest aspect of pregnancy, nursing, and the newborn phase in general for me. I can imagine learning you’re pregnant immediately after a major surgery to relieve your endo would feel like a horrible joke. Amazing for her to realize how nursing would add to that feeling, and choosing to do something else.
At the end of the day as long as baby is fed!
Who cares how she feeds the baby as long as she actually *feeds* the baby and it’s safe and healthy?
I wish more people talked about how draining breastfeeding is instead always glorifying it. It’s always the whole “natural thing to do” but never “it’s exhausting, your body no longer feels like your own and formula still feeds the baby like it’s supposed to so please choose that cause it can seriously suck”.
Signed an exclusive breastfeeding mom who’s tired AF
One of my long ago friends asked me “Dont you even love her?” when I mentioned I wasnt breastfeeding. Changed my entire view of that person in an instant.
Normalize doing what’s best for your family. No one should feel this guilty for it.
FED IS BEST !
My friend has trauma and made the decision before she gave birth to not breastfeed because of it. She told the staff but several nurses came up and tried to force the baby to latch. To this day, I wish I could talk to those nurses like what the fuck is wrong with you?!
One of the hardest parts of being an experienced parent is that your child’s life is not in your hands, nor was it ever.
There are too many factors (biological, social, emotional, etc.) that all combine into a crazy mix of variables for each kid you raise.
The hard sell of “THIS ONE THING” (aka, factored in exponentially by every single milestone your child will face) to parents is a sham.
But we are all taught by society (and capitalism) we can control our child’s future by micromanaging them.
The debate of BF vs formula is just another one of those factors.
yes i agree but also this is really intense academic kind of writing that feels AI
As a woman who isn’t sure she’ll be a mother, reading this is still so powerful. We don’t talk about this enough and we don’t seem to understand just how much pregnancy and post-partum can take out of a mother. It’s so great to be having this conversation.
OH FUCK YES
This is long I don’t care that much about how anyone else feeds their kid. Good for them, whatever it says in this long ass article.
beautifully and thoughtfully well written, and she’s absolutely right
The pressure to BF didn’t so much come from my family and friends (they were all actually really supportive when I had to combi-feed because I wasn’t making enough milk the first time around) but I remember being so conscious because of the pressure on social media and the way formula feeding was framed as a moral failing. I’d always wanted to BF and hated that it was so difficult to even make milk but 5 years on I think back to how irrelevant all of that worry was. Literally none of it matters right now.
Good for her. She’s listening to herself and making choices that are best for her and her baby. ❤️
as a mom who pumped for almost two years, good for you elsie.
i wish i had realized how i was failing myself while pumping. it destroyed my mental health even further. and no one needed it but me.
Oh the tradwives are gonna hate this
Yup I’ve just decided to stop Breastfeeding my son and I feel so much better for it. It was draining, especially when I was pp. I struggled for a little while as well and at the time I felt terrible for not being able to feed him properly.
Fed is most definitely best.
I am a huge breastfeeding advocate. But it isn’t without its struggles. And just because I choose to breastfeed doesn’t mean I will ever shame another mother for not choosing the same.
Good for her- the amount of pressure moms put on themselves is crippling.
I had a retained placenta with my first born. I struggled for three weeks trying to breastfeed my first born. I cried and screamed that he wasn’t getting milk and wasn’t happy (because he wasn’t.) I ultimately formula fed as a result of an ER visit to get the rest of my placenta out after passing softball sized masses of tissue.
Tried again with my 3rd child and it was great, but I quickly was feeling stuck and like a pull chain was on my back to get my back into the armchair to feed my kid. After 10 months, I stopped and felt free again. I can’t explain it, I love my babies, but the feeling of breastfeeding was not why I expected after hearing about how amazing it was. Will never judge anyone for their decision.
Edit: shout out to my husband who was a saint during all my pregnancies and realized I needed help mentally and was never judgmental and supported me 1000% percent. Our children now only want Freddie’s and chicken wings and gag at the sight of green veggies.
Motherhood is so weird now…. When my mother had me and my brother, she didn’t breastfeed either of us because she just didn’t want to. There weren’t any long drawn out arguments for or against either way, or entire communities based around how you feed your baby. Now people seem to feel the need to almost “come out” as a breast feeder or formula feeder.
Breastfeeding is a public health policy not a moral imperative. It confers measurable benefits across millions of births and so health professionals are rightly trained to recommend it. What they aren’t as good at is separating that public health policy from how individual mothers are spoken to.
Not sure when the not breast-feeding makes you a terrible Mother era began, but I have three grown beautiful children. I have a son that’s 6 foot six and another fun son that 6 foot three and a daughter that’s 5 foot nine. All very healthy happy well adjusted formula fed children. I absolutely cannot stand this breast-feeding cult culture, these women make multiple social media posts about breast-feeding and how if you do anything other than that you’re disappointing your duty as a mother, but then feed their family raw milk.. please make it make sense to me.
I didn’t breastfeed any of my kids and I never once regretted. In fact, every time I hear about a woman breastfeeding, it sounds miserable and I wonder why anyone does it. Let women do what works for them. As long as the baby is fed and taken care of, it is no one’s business.
Breastfeeding made my sister near suicidal. I’d say the benefits of having a parent not off themselves are greater than any benefit breastfeeding can provide.
Thank you