Tim Gunn explains why he’s been celibate for over 40 years: “One of the things that he told me that night was that he had been sleeping with just about everything that walked by, I had been loyal and faithful to him. He was the only person I had ever been with”
40 years of celibacy and still serving looks Tim Gunn really said make it work applies to self control too.
downhillmogulmogul on
I read this a few days ago and was just incredibly sad for him, and the hurt he still carries.
jupiterLILY on
Tim Gunn is not James Gunn.
fivesecondchug on
I just want to give him a hug
Grouchy_Bandicoot317 on
Wild that heartbreak shaped his whole life yet he turned it into kindness, style, and wisdom. Tim Gunn really is the definition of grace.
SlashOfLife5296 on
Honestly awful
Super_Caterpillar_27 on
I kinda can’t blame him.
OGvoodoogoddess on
This is incredibly sad. Shame on that man who broke his heart so thoroughly.
Fashion_Alt_Account on
When people say that cheating is a form of abuse, this is what they mean.
This is heartbreaking.
AmberGambIer on
Oh Tim 💔 you deserved so much better and still do
biscuitsorbullets on
That’s terrible, I don’t blame him
SeaF04mGr33n on
Awww, poor Tim!! No one deserves that kind of betrayal, but especially not someone who seems as kind as Tim!
Savilavila on
That’s so traumatic. I really hope he is taking care of himself, he’s such a wonderful person and entertainer.
byneothername on
Well, that’s fucking awful. The man who did this should be ashamed of himself.
particledamage on
I remember like a decade ago, people insisted he was asexual after he had talked about this and it’s just so odd to me. All I see is a very, very deep trauma from surviving what was effectively a US sanctioned genocide of gay, black, and trans people. This isn’t an identity but rather a way for him to survive.
I’m so sad for him and wish he could find a way to move past this. But the personal betrayal being combined with the risk, I see why it still cuts deep. PreP is such a wonderful thing these days but it can’t protect the heart 🙁
yuyufan43 on
He’s a deep, deep man. I feel awful that his heart was broken so badly. He must have been an amazing partner.
Efficient_Living_628 on
What’s his name Tim… we just wanna talk 👊🏾
Amryyyyyy on
Why are people so cruel to those who love them? That was an awful read. Poor guy.
SLovesAutumn on
There have been stories on here from people who have developed serious, permanent, or life changing diagnoses because their seemingly committed parter was out sleeping with people unprotected.
I can’t imagine the fear and absolute betrayal one would have to work through after such a revelation.
It wasn’t enough to betray his love and devotion, his ex gambled with his health, repeatedly. During such a scary time as well.
Thatstealthygal on
This is just so sad. Romantic, but sad.
Basic-Collection5416 on
I’m not sure how much younger generations have been taught about just how terrifying and devastating the early years of the AIDS crisis was. Particularly for gay men in NYC and San Francisco, many of whom were already outcast from their families just for coming out, to then have what was essentially a plague that the government wouldn’t even acknowledge start killing huge numbers of their community, the fear and the shame and the isolation it caused. There’s probably a lot of men who are still suffering PTSD and survivor’s guilt, and who struggle to be comfortable with intimacy after all the trauma of those years. It’s brave of Tim Gunn to talk publicly about it. 💔
mplscreature on
Boomer gays will drop the most horrifying traumatic lore like they’re describing their workday.
Gamer_Grease on
Hugs to Tim Gunn.
InimitableMissS on
The fact that he spoke openly about this speaks volumes about Tim Gunn. His monomaniacal focus on his career, though so amazing, has always made me a little sad because (to my mind) he’d never mentioned much of a personal life. Now I see why. What a sad scene for him. I’m glad he’s found fullness in his life regardless.
If you’re a Gen Z or younger seeing this, this is what AIDS looked like for gay men in the 80s and 90s. It was AIDS, period. There was no “cure”. There weren’t meds. There was lot understanding of the transmission of the virus and tracking exposure was nearly impossible. The government didn’t care and it was a death sentence. If you know any older gay men, they all have their stories.
If you’ve never watched the film Philadelphia, please do. It’s an easy entry point to understand where we were at that time. Lots of better, less facile media to consume of course, but Tom Hanks won an Oscar for the role for a reason- he’s stunning in it.
g00fyg00ber741 on
Cheating can absolutely be abuse, sadly. It’s not really acknowledged enough. I had a similar situation, although obviously modern day it’s not as scary as it used to be regarding HIV. But my first boyfriend I had in high school, later on he did end up getting HIV from his lying cheating boyfriend actually, which was exactly what I was scared of happening to me. It felt way too close to home, especially since I had just had my own experience of being cheated on and lied to. Frankly, after an experience like that, trust became a decision I make, and no longer something I can actually feel. I choose to trust people, sometimes, but I no longer feel any of that trust or security. It’s just constant anxiety, no matter what or whom the trust is regarding.
seanpcreative on
As an hiv positive person in this era I can’t even begin to imagine the trauma of the 80s. It’s heartbreaking.
Rich_Bug_6690 on
Hard to overstate how deplorable this is, really scraping the lower echelons of sexual violence.
believebs on
I completely understand what he’s saying. My ex cheated on me, promised to never do it again only to do it again. So now I stay away.
Zokstone on
Wow. I would have never guessed that such a confident, strong person would struggle with something like this, but I guess that’s how it always goes.
I love Tim so much.
maverick4002 on
I wonder if this means anal sex or like actually no sex (bjs and all the other non penetrative stuff).
Being a side is a thing now Tim. Go have some fun. You cant get HIV from side stuff!
FluxCrave on
Being gay is hard. Gays carry a lot of baggage and it’s makes for hard dating. Specially in the US.
buzzfeed_sucks on
I completely get that. I haven’t dated in years and used to blame it on various medical issues, which was also a valid reason. As I’ve gotten better, and through therapy, realizes that a big part of it also stems from the trauma of being in an emotionally abusive relationship in my early 20’s.
It’s been more than 10 years but I still have nightmares about being unable to get away from him.
He also put my health at risk, and managed to turn it blame it on me. I didn’t realize until years later that it was likely due to his cheating.
If he’s happy and has talked to a therapist and worked through all of that, then it’s fine to choose to not be in a relationship. It isn’t for everyone. I just hope he’s worked through his trauma. Because that is awful.
33 Comments
Well, that was awful to read.
40 years of celibacy and still serving looks Tim Gunn really said make it work applies to self control too.
I read this a few days ago and was just incredibly sad for him, and the hurt he still carries.
Tim Gunn is not James Gunn.
I just want to give him a hug
Wild that heartbreak shaped his whole life yet he turned it into kindness, style, and wisdom. Tim Gunn really is the definition of grace.
Honestly awful
I kinda can’t blame him.
This is incredibly sad. Shame on that man who broke his heart so thoroughly.
When people say that cheating is a form of abuse, this is what they mean.
This is heartbreaking.
Oh Tim 💔 you deserved so much better and still do
That’s terrible, I don’t blame him
Awww, poor Tim!! No one deserves that kind of betrayal, but especially not someone who seems as kind as Tim!
That’s so traumatic. I really hope he is taking care of himself, he’s such a wonderful person and entertainer.
Well, that’s fucking awful. The man who did this should be ashamed of himself.
I remember like a decade ago, people insisted he was asexual after he had talked about this and it’s just so odd to me. All I see is a very, very deep trauma from surviving what was effectively a US sanctioned genocide of gay, black, and trans people. This isn’t an identity but rather a way for him to survive.
I’m so sad for him and wish he could find a way to move past this. But the personal betrayal being combined with the risk, I see why it still cuts deep. PreP is such a wonderful thing these days but it can’t protect the heart 🙁
He’s a deep, deep man. I feel awful that his heart was broken so badly. He must have been an amazing partner.
What’s his name Tim… we just wanna talk 👊🏾
Why are people so cruel to those who love them? That was an awful read. Poor guy.
There have been stories on here from people who have developed serious, permanent, or life changing diagnoses because their seemingly committed parter was out sleeping with people unprotected.
I can’t imagine the fear and absolute betrayal one would have to work through after such a revelation.
It wasn’t enough to betray his love and devotion, his ex gambled with his health, repeatedly. During such a scary time as well.
This is just so sad. Romantic, but sad.
I’m not sure how much younger generations have been taught about just how terrifying and devastating the early years of the AIDS crisis was. Particularly for gay men in NYC and San Francisco, many of whom were already outcast from their families just for coming out, to then have what was essentially a plague that the government wouldn’t even acknowledge start killing huge numbers of their community, the fear and the shame and the isolation it caused. There’s probably a lot of men who are still suffering PTSD and survivor’s guilt, and who struggle to be comfortable with intimacy after all the trauma of those years. It’s brave of Tim Gunn to talk publicly about it. 💔
Boomer gays will drop the most horrifying traumatic lore like they’re describing their workday.
Hugs to Tim Gunn.
The fact that he spoke openly about this speaks volumes about Tim Gunn. His monomaniacal focus on his career, though so amazing, has always made me a little sad because (to my mind) he’d never mentioned much of a personal life. Now I see why. What a sad scene for him. I’m glad he’s found fullness in his life regardless.
If you’re a Gen Z or younger seeing this, this is what AIDS looked like for gay men in the 80s and 90s. It was AIDS, period. There was no “cure”. There weren’t meds. There was lot understanding of the transmission of the virus and tracking exposure was nearly impossible. The government didn’t care and it was a death sentence. If you know any older gay men, they all have their stories.
If you’ve never watched the film Philadelphia, please do. It’s an easy entry point to understand where we were at that time. Lots of better, less facile media to consume of course, but Tom Hanks won an Oscar for the role for a reason- he’s stunning in it.
Cheating can absolutely be abuse, sadly. It’s not really acknowledged enough. I had a similar situation, although obviously modern day it’s not as scary as it used to be regarding HIV. But my first boyfriend I had in high school, later on he did end up getting HIV from his lying cheating boyfriend actually, which was exactly what I was scared of happening to me. It felt way too close to home, especially since I had just had my own experience of being cheated on and lied to. Frankly, after an experience like that, trust became a decision I make, and no longer something I can actually feel. I choose to trust people, sometimes, but I no longer feel any of that trust or security. It’s just constant anxiety, no matter what or whom the trust is regarding.
As an hiv positive person in this era I can’t even begin to imagine the trauma of the 80s. It’s heartbreaking.
Hard to overstate how deplorable this is, really scraping the lower echelons of sexual violence.
I completely understand what he’s saying. My ex cheated on me, promised to never do it again only to do it again. So now I stay away.
Wow. I would have never guessed that such a confident, strong person would struggle with something like this, but I guess that’s how it always goes.
I love Tim so much.
I wonder if this means anal sex or like actually no sex (bjs and all the other non penetrative stuff).
Being a side is a thing now Tim. Go have some fun. You cant get HIV from side stuff!
Being gay is hard. Gays carry a lot of baggage and it’s makes for hard dating. Specially in the US.
I completely get that. I haven’t dated in years and used to blame it on various medical issues, which was also a valid reason. As I’ve gotten better, and through therapy, realizes that a big part of it also stems from the trauma of being in an emotionally abusive relationship in my early 20’s.
It’s been more than 10 years but I still have nightmares about being unable to get away from him.
He also put my health at risk, and managed to turn it blame it on me. I didn’t realize until years later that it was likely due to his cheating.
If he’s happy and has talked to a therapist and worked through all of that, then it’s fine to choose to not be in a relationship. It isn’t for everyone. I just hope he’s worked through his trauma. Because that is awful.